Ladies, who is responsible for your orgasm?

It’s not up to a man to give you an orgasm, you have to learn how to do it yourself: it is your own responsibility.

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if you didn’t know as a  female ,that reaching that magical point during sex isn’t always so easy. For many, there’s no problem but for plenty of women there can be obstacles in the way of reaching climax.

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Do you think it’s his responsibility to ‘give’ you an orgasm?  

• No-one can ‘give’ you an orgasm; you have to ‘take’ one yourself, by guiding and telling him how to do it. It’s not like a five-course meal where he slaves in the kitchen and you get to do nothing but lie about until you’re ready to savour the results. Orgasms happen when both of you know what you want and how to get it.

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Fear not though because there are ways to make sure that love making isn’t boring and offers as much fun for you as it does your partner.

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 Tips for helping yourself out in the bedroom.

✅Change your attitude

The most common obstacle to having an orgasm is your attitude to sex. If you’ve been brought up to believe it’s ‘bad’ or ‘dirty’ or even ‘unladylike’, you probably feel uncomfortable touching yourself or letting your partner touch you. The ‘good girls don’t’ inhibition factor is a big problem for some. Remember that sex and pleasure is normal and allow yourself to get carried away. Enjoy! If you really can’t, do think about booking a few sessions with a female sex therapist 

Accept you have to learn how to orgasm

Female orgasms aren’t automatic. You’re not going to accidentally have one while doing the ironing. It’s also extremely unlikely that you’ll have your first orgasm with a partner. Practically all women have their first on their own. So if you’re waiting for some magical lover to transport you to heaven, stock up the cupboards – you’re in for an awfully long wait. Instead, invest in a few good sex books that focus specifically on the emotional barriers to orgasm. Keep reading and researching until you feel good about sex, confident that you understand how your body works and know the basic techniques most women use to orgasm. Accept that you have to ‘learn’ how to orgasm. Accept responsibility for your own pleasure. 

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✅ Teach yourself how to masturbate

You’ll learn more about your body and its response system if you use your fingers but using a vibrator is also a good idea. Remember though, you’re not putting it inside but holding it against your sensitive parts. Also do teach yourself to climax using your hands. Unless you want to always use a vibrator with your partner, you need to know how to do it manually.

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✅ Teach him how to do it

Once you’ve masturbated yourself to orgasm, it’s time to tell him how to do it otherwise how is he supposed to know what you like? Good sex is your own responsibility – don’t expect to be able to lie back and let your partner do all the work.

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✅Change how you see your own body

Many women don’t orgasm because they think their partners can’t possibly find them attractive and spend too much time thinking about that during sex, rather than focusing on what’s going on. Let’s get one thing straight right now: an overwhelming majority of men are turned on by a naked woman’s body, no matter what shape it’s in. However, if you aren’t happy with yours, do something about it. Join a gym, get a make-over, eat healthily, then splash out on some new clothes. But accept what nature has handed out: ignore the faults, play up the good bits and learn to love every centimetre.

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✅Stop trying so hard

Your mind should be focused on how pleasurable the sensations are, not on ‘Please God, let me have one’. The more you worry about it, the more your body will tense and make orgasm impossible. Try a bit of reverse psychology. When you touch yourself or make love, tell yourself you’re not allowed to have an orgasm, that this session is strictly for ‘research’ purposes. You’ll relax more and may well end up scoring a goal.

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✅Rethink your relationship

‘You’re fat’, ‘No wonder you can’t have an orgasm, you’re no good at anything’, ‘You’re not a real woman’, ‘You’re frigid’ – if your partner says or insinuates negative things about you, your body or your inability to climax, getting rid of him is the simple solution to your problem. ( okay that’s a joke but you can communicate your fears and you both can see a therapist )