The trick I want to share with you for getting and staying
hard is what I call “Avoiding The Death Spiral”.
Now I’ve used that name partly because I think it sounds
cool, but also because I think it clearly illustrates a
common pattern that men who struggle to stay hard
share…
Play along with me as I describe this pattern.
Take a moment to picture you and your lover together
in bed…
Now as things begin to get sexual between the two of you,
imagine yourself getting excited…
You begin thinking and feeling sexual thoughts and you
begin to get a bit hard…
Perhaps you even get fully hard…
And you continue with foreplay and enjoying some form
of sexual activity with your lover like groping, touching,
kissing or whatever…
And then it happens…
You suddenly lose a bit of your hardness and you
notice that your hardness is fading slightly.
And as soon as you notice it you enter “The Death
Spiral”.
You begin to FEAR that your hardness will never
return.
Adrenaline floods through your system as you begin
worrying and repeating negative phrases over and
over to yourself like “no, no, no, don’t go soft, stay
hard, I need this, I really want this, goddamit!”
And you enter a vicious cycle of worrying about
staying hard, which naturally makes you even softer,
which makes you worry even more, which makes you
even softer… Until eventually you’re completely
flaccid… At which point you complete The Death
Spiral.
Can you relate to this pattern in any way?
Have you ever experienced anything similar?
Have you ever felt that sense of fear when you slightly
lose your hardness that it may fade completely and
you won’t be able to get back to full stiffness?
Well it’s actually a very common pattern among
men who can’t get and stay as hard as they’d like.
And that’s why I wanted to share it with you.
I wanted to make you conscious of it.
Because the first step to freeing yourself from the Death
Spiral is awareness.
By realizing when it takes ahold of you, you now have
a lot more power to stop it and take back control.
Now, let’s say you’ve experienced this pattern
yourself in some way, shape or form and you’d like to
have full control over your ability to get and stay hard…
How do you take that control?
Well, whenever you notice yourself entering this pattern
what you need to do is make a CONSCIOUS effort
to break it.
Realize that you’re slipping into the pattern and shift
your focus.
And change your thinking…
Just because you’re temporarily losing hardness
doesn’t mean you’ll never get it back.
That might have sounded obvious as you read it, but
when we become hypnotized by our own thought
patterns we can forget the obvious.
So snap yourself out of any negative thoughts and shift
your focus.
Instead of worrying about whether you’ll stay hard,
get back to focusing on what got you hard in the
first place…
Paying attention to and appreciating the sexiness of
your lover… And trust that your hardness will return.
When you return to being fully immersed in that
experience you’ll find your hardness naturally returning.
Now, there’s a lot more to this and how your psychology
impacts your ability to get hard, but it’s more than I can
cover now.
PS – I have a very clear and (I believe) profound
philosophy when it comes to overcoming challenges
relating to getting and staying hard…
And you may have heard me mention it before, but
because of its importance I’ll repeat it again…
If you’ve experienced full hardness at any point in
the last 3 months, whether that be while
masturbating alone, watching porn or when
waking up first thing in the morning, then this
demonstrates that you have the PHYSICAL
CAPABILITY to get hard…
If, however, you then struggle to get or stay hard
in sexual situations with your lover, it must NOT
mean you have a physical problem
(otherwise you wouldn’t be able to get hard ever)
it must mean that you have a psychological block to get hard.
