Relationship Rules You Should Break

Here is some of the most common advice that people offer to couples (and what should you do instead):

1.Never go to bed angry.
This ancient bit of advice comes all the way from the Old Testament, and for that reason, many people have held fast to it. While it might have been an effective tool for reconciliation in Biblical times, in modern times it can be a bit problematic. Most households are dual-income families, meaning that along with raising the kids and keeping the house in shape, both Mom and Dad work outside the home.

Add to that the stress and hectic pace of a modern-day lifestyle, and by 10 p.m. most people are ready to simply flop into bed. But, because of this nugget of advice, couples often feel like they have to battle out any issues they have before they are allowed to fall asleep. That means they miss out on sleep (so they are grouchier the next day) and that they are arguing at the time of day when they are the lowest on patience, energy and compassion. No good! I say it’s better to get a good night’s rest and then tackle issues when you have a clear head and an open heart.

2.Couples have to share the same bed.
Speaking of sleep, most people feel obligated to share the same bed, even tough many couples report that their partner greatly disrupts their sleep. While sharing a bed together is ideal for intimacy and alone time, this advice doesn’t simply doesn’t work for everyone. If your partner snores loudly all night or if you have a health issue that prevents you from sleeping comfortably with your spouse, then you should do whatever you can to make sure that you are both getting a good night’s rest, even if it means you sleep in a separate room. But, if you do this, you have to proactive in ensuring that you still find for sex and intimacy at other times during your day because it won’t happen as organically if you aren’t laying in bed next to each other at night.

3.It’s wrong to be attracted to people other than your mate.
Many people feel guilty when they are attracted to someone other than their partner. After all, you made a vow to be faithful and monogamous! However, you are married…not dead! It’s normal and healthy to feel sexual attraction to other people, whether it’s the cute barista at your office or the sexy guy lifting weights at the gym. As long as you don’t act on your sexual desires, there is nothing wrong with having fantasies and enjoying the scenery. Just make sure to channel that desire and attraction into your own relationship when you get home.

4.Fighting is bad for your relationship.
Most couples try to avoid topics that they know will cause arguments with their partner and they tip-toe around issues rather than facing them head-on. It might seem like the smart thing to do at first, but it can actually be a very destructive way to handle conflict. When you don’t talk about issues, they don’t go away. Instead, they grow and begin to fester, and soon the problem becomes much more complicated and insidious. The good news is that fighting isn’t actually bad for your relationship, that is, as long as you fight to love and not to win. Fighting to love means that you don’t fight to be “right” or to win the argument. You fight to find the quickest and most effective path to compromise and peace.

5.Men should make the first move in the bedroom.
Sadly, many women still hold on to this idea and they get very hurt and very angry when their partner isn’t always trying to take their clothes off. They want their partner to see them as desirable and irresistible, but what they don’t realize is that men want to feel that way too. Men don’t always like to have the make the first move, and they love seeing their partner be dominant and confident in the bedroom. So, ladies, stop sitting around and waiting for your partner to sweep you off your feet! Take charge and show him you know just how to make him feel good.

Hence, though well-meaning, generalized relationship advice usually doesn’t work for every couple. Instead, you have to listen to your heart and go with what works for you and your partner. It’s a bit of trial-and-error at first, but soon you will find out what you and your partner need to do in order to stay connected and passionate.